"It was nice of you to let me reattach your arm."                                                                                    
     --Zoidberg
%
"Finally, I have a good claw! See? Three human females, a number, and                                                                
a king giving himself brain surgery!"                                                                                                
     --Zoidberg, "Futurama," on the ideal poker hand                                                                                 
%
"All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo!"                                                                                        
     --Morbo"                                                                                                             
%
"So.. humans have easily injured knees. My race will find this                                                                       
information very useful indeed. Mwahwahahahaha!"                                                                                     
     --Morbo" 
%
"Please don't hit me! I'm brittle!"                                                                                                  
     --Zoidberg
%
"Hey! Unless this is a nude love-in, get the hell off my property!"                                                                  
"You can't *own* property, man!"                                                                                                     
"I can! That's because I'm not a penniless hippie!"                                                                                  
     --Farnsworth & hippie
%
"The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain." *BONK!* "Ow!"                                                               
"Okay, we won't eat you!"
     --hippie & Bender
%
"You're vegetarians! Who cares what you do?" 
     --Leela, "Futurama"
%
Dr. Zoidberg: "Help! A guinea pig tricked me."                                                                                    
%
Dr. Zoidberg: "Talk to the claw."                                                                                                 
Bender: "Bite my collosal metal ass."                                                                                             
%
Bender: "I came here with a simple dream, a dream of killing all humans."                                                         
%
Dr. Zoidberg: "Okay, so you're nonchalant, stop rubbing our noses in it."                                                         
%
Bender: "Blackmail's such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The X makes it
sound cool."                                           
%
Al Gore to Fry: "You fool! You foolish fool!"
%
Hermes to Bender: "What did you get her, you mushy gizmo?"                                                                        
%
Professor: "Good news. There's a report on TV with some very bad news."                                                           
%
Zoidberg: "Hooray, I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time."                                                                      
%
Mom's son: "Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman
scorned."                                                     
%
Professor: "The thought of caressing that leathery hide makes the tapioca
rise in my gullet"                                      
Fry: "Professor, please, the fate of the world depends on you getting to
second base with Mom."                                   
Professor: "Very well, if cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall."                                                            
%
Fan: "Aha ha, fan beats man."                                                                                                     
%
Amy: "Way to go, Professor, the plan worked."                                                                                     
Mom: "Plan? What plan? I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot dry
sex."
%
Leela: "Great. We're two days from earth with no food."                                                                           
Bender: "Problem solved. You two fight to the death and I'll cook the
loser."                                                     
%
Leela: "Well, it's a type M planet, so it should at least have
Roddenberries."                                                    
%
Fry: "They're great! They're like sex except I'm having them."                                                                    
%
Pop a Poppler in your mouth                                                                                                       
When you come to Fishy Joe's                                                                                                      
What they're made of is a mystery                                                                                                 
Where they come from no one knows                                                                                                 
You can pick 'em you can lick 'em you can chew 'em you can stick 'em                                                              
If you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.                                                                      
%
Zapp: "Why'd you open your bong-hole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a
beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive        
monkey? You must have smoked some bad granola."                                                                                   
%
Professor: "A toast to Leela. She showed us it's wrong to eat certain
things."
%
Bender: "Oh my God, I'm so excited I wish I could wet my pants."                                                                  
%
Professor Farnsworth: "Oh my, that steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me."                                                        
%
Cop: "He's making a break for it. Get him!"                                                                                       
Fry: "No, no, I was just picking my nose."                                                                                        
Cop: "He's picking his nose. Get him!"                                                                                            
%
Bender: "One of you will have to fill in for me while I'm gone."                                                                  
Professor Farnsworth: "Better yet, I'll build someone to fill in for you.
Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monsters with     
freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal..."                                                                        
%
The boss: "Get a load of ball bearings on this guy."                                                                              
%
Bender: "You know the secret of traditional robot cooking? Start with a good
high-quality oil, then eat it."                      
%
Leela: "Where were you at 10pm last night?"                                                                                       
Professor Farnsworth: "Where am I now?"                                                                                           
%
Bender: "Tell the Donbot I'm qutting organized crime. From now on I'll stick
to the regular kind."
%
Bender: "Hey, guess what you're accessories to?"                                                                                  
%
Bender: "Like most of life's problems, this one can be solved with bending."                                                      
%
Dr. Zoidberg: "Look at me! I'm Dr. Zoidberg, home-owner!"                                                                         
%
Bender: "Argh. The laws of science be a harsh mistress."                                                                          
%
Professor Farnsworth: "He may have ocean madness, but that's no excuse for
ocean rudeness."                                       
%
Fry: "You know what I like best about you, Umbrielle? You find me
fascinating, even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief     
or a lion tamer."                                                                                                                 
%
Hermes: "The poor demented honky."                                                                                                
%
Bender: "In the event of an emergency, my ass can be used as a floatation
device."                                                
%
Fry: "Hey, you guys, the most amazing thing happened, it's two-for-one
Tuesday at Krispy Kreme! Plus there's mermaids."           
%
Hermes: "I miss my wife and my oxygen."                                                                                           
Professor Farnsworth: "Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases."                                                                
%
Amy: "What about Umbrielle?"                                                                                                      
Fry: "Well, it turned out I loved her, but I wasn't in love with her."                                                            
Amy: "Trouble in bed."                                                                                                            
%
Hermes: "Hail, Atlanta."
%
Professor: "Good news, everyone, the university is bringing me up on
disclipinary charges. Wait, that's not good news at all."    
%
Dr. Zoidberg: "Now I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old, but if you
consider his age he's likely to die soon."              
%
Dr. Zoidberg: "A successor to the professor?"                                                                                     
%
Hermes: "Up yours, Zoidberg. Up wherever your species traditionally crams
things."                                                
%
Bender: "Is he dumb or just ugly?"                                                                                                
%
Professor: "If a dog craps anywhere in the universe, you can bet I won't be
out of loop."                                         
%
Professor: "Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth."                                                                        
%
Cubert: "Robots are very good at keeping secrets."                                                                                
Bender: "No, we're not, you little bed-wetter. Oops, I'm sorry."                                                                  
%
Leela: "There it is, the near-death star."                                                                                        
%
Cubert: "Why do I have to be the hump?"                                                                                           
Fry: "'Cause you're too ugly to be a wart."                                                                                       
%
Leela: "We've blown out one of our engines."                                                                                      
Fry: "Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it... fix it, fix it, fix
it!"
%
Professor: "Good news, everyone. Several years ago I tried to log onto AOL, and
it just went through. Whee! We're online."        
%
Fry: "Well, thanks to the internet I'm now bored with sex. Is ther a place
on the web that panders to my lust for violence?"      
Bender: "Is the space-pope reptilian?"                                                                                            
%
Computer: "Leela, you've got mail. It's not spam!"                                                                                
%
Leela: "Are you real, or am I seeing single?"                                                                                     
Alcazar: "Ow. Of course I'm real."                                                                                                
Leela: "After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy
carpenter or a kid with a BB gun."                     
%
Alcazar: "I hope you don't think less of me becuase I live in a giant
castle."                                                    
%
Leela: "He's crude and gross and he treats me like a slave."                                                                      
Fry: "Then dump his one-eyed ass."                                                                                                
%
Alcazar: "Leela, this must all be very confusing."                                                                                
Leela: "A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it."                                                      
%
Leela: "If you could change form, why didn't you change it in the one place
that counts?"
%
Fry: "Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't her's, it was
her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend, she just lived next door and 
never closed her curtains."                                                                              
Leela: "Fry, remember what I told you about always ending your stories a
sentence earlier?"                                       
%
Bender: "Aw, I think I got whiplash."                                                                                             
Leela: "You can't have whiplash, you don't have a neck."                                                                          
Bender: "I meant ass whiplash."                                                                                                   
%
Dr. Zoidberg: "It funny because it's poisonous."                                                                                  
Fry: "Yeah, keep laughing, brine shrimp."                                                                                         
%
Fry: "I'm not prejudiced."                                                                                                        
Bender: "Ah, save it for the cross-burning, Adolf."                                                                               
%
Bob Barker: "Which one of these lovely womanoids will take home atomic tiara?"                                                    
%
Bob Barker: "I may be against the fur industry, but that won't stop me from
skinning you alive... as long as no one wears the skin."

Fry: "How can I live my life if I can't tell good from evil?"                                                                     
Bender: "Ah, they're both fine choices, whatever floats your boat."
%
"Are you all right?" -Leela                                                                                                       
"Ah, it's nothing a a law suit won't cure." -Bender                                                                               
%
"Aw, poor baby, chipped a fang." -Leela                                                                                           
"Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it." -Bender                                                            
"All right, I'm coming." -Zoidberg                                                                                                
%
"Just make a simple cake. And this time, if someone's going to jump out of
it, make sure to put them in after you cook it."       
   -Leela                                                                                                                            
%
"And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who's gone to a place
where I too hope one day to go: the toilet." 
	-Prof. Farnsworth
%
"Hey, you know what'd cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy." -Amy                                                        
"A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies...." -Leela                                                                                
%
"I love every living creature." -Leela                                                                                            
"Even me?" -Fry                                                                                                                   
"As a friend." -Leela
%
"Wow, so this is a real TV station, huh." -Fry                                                                                    
"Well, it's a Fox affiliate." -TV worker guy                                                                                      
"What are you showing right now?" -Fry                                                                                            
"'Single Female Lawyer.' It's the season finale. Wanna watch?" -TV worker
guy                                                     
"I dunno. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre, World's
Blankiest Blank." -Fry                                     
"She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt." -TV worker guy                                                                      
"I'm in." -Fry                                                                                                                    
%
"Oh my god, you knocked Fox off the air!" -TV worker guy                                                                          
"Like anyone on earth cares." -Fry                                                                                                
%
"This is an outrage! I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and
her compellingly short garmets." -alien              
%
"Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get
out and see the real world." -Leela                   
"But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world." -Fry                                                          
"Everyone's too polite to say anything, but you're covered with bed sores."
	-Leela                                                
"Not covered." -Fry                                                                                                               
%
"This is the kind of castle King Arthur would have lived in... if he were a
fiddler crab." -Fry                                   
%
"I refuse to fight! I'm a concientious objector." -Bender                                                                         
"A what?" -Fry                                                                                                                    
"You know, a coward." -Bender                                                                                                     
%
"This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the human race."
 -Zapp Brannigan                                                 
%
"I'm gonna be a science fiction hero, just like Uhura, or Captain Janeway,
or Xena!" -Fry                                         
"Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life. Can't you tell the difference?" -Leela                                                       
"Sure, I just like TV better." -Fry                                                                                               
%
"It was just a matter of knowing the secret of all TV shows: at the end of
the episode, everything's always right back to normal." -Fry
%
Fry: "Very impressive. Back in the 20th century we had no idea there was a
university on Mars."
Prof. Farnsworth: "Well in those days Mars was just a dreary uninhabitable 
wasteland... much like Utah. But unlike Utah, it was eventually made livable,
when the  university was founed in 2636."
Leela: "They planted traditional college foliage: ivy, trees, hemp...."
%
Fatbot: "I heard that in one single night you drank a whole keg, streaked across
campus, and crammed fifty-eight humans into a phone booth."
Bender: "Yeah, well, a lot of 'em were children...."
%
"Don't take this the wrong way, Fry, but you don't seem like the educated
type." -Leela                                           
%
Fry: "Hey, professor, what are you teaching this sememster?"
Prof. Farnsworth: "Same thing I teach every semester, the mathematics of 
quantum nutrino fields. I made up the title so that no student would 
dare take it."
Fry: "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals...."                                                                                    
Prof. Farnsworth: "Please, Fry, I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor."
%
"From this day forth, Robot House is on dodecatuple secret probation." -Dean
Vernon                                               
%
"He's an animal. He belongs in the wild. Or in the circus on one of those
tiny tricycles. Now that's entertainment." -Fry
%
"Take it off or else I break it off." -Leela, with Fry's arm around her
%
 "Leela, perhaps this is an awkward time, but if things don't work out with
this pipsqueak here, I just want you to know I'll be there to score you on
the rebound." -Zapp                                                                                         
%
"In case you were wondering, that was just for Zapp." 
	-Leela, after kissing Fry
%
Fry: "Do you have anything else for him?"
Contess de la Roca: "Lovely, isn't it?" 
Bender: "Yeah, but only 93% as lovely as you."
Contess de la Roca: "Oh, Bender. Either that was a computing error, or 
you're the most romantic robot I've ever met." 
%
"I'm a fraud - a poor, lazy, sexy fraud." -Bender 
%
"Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial
intelligence and your sincerity simulator."
   -Countess de la Roca
% 
"As a gentleman, I must warn you, if you so much as glance at another woman,
I'll be over Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure." -Zapp
%
"I learned how to handle delicate social situations from a little show
called 'Three's Company.'" -Fry                            
% 
Leela: "Oh my God, we're heading straight into a black hole!" 
Fry:   "Talk about a mood killer."                                                                                                  
%
"Wait a second, aren't you a member of the yacht club?" -Bender                                                                   
"My God, you're right. I'm a class 3 yacht." -Countess de la Roca                                                                 
%
"Look, it's our nebula. Whenever I see it I'll think back to when we
almost..." (nebula gets sucked into the black hole) 
"Oop. Nevermind." -Fry
%
Amy: "Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close. And that
      doesn't even make sense."                             
%
Fry: "Maybe he has a parasite."                                                                                                   
Hermes: "Maybe he is a parasite."                                                                                                 
%
Bender to Zoidberg: "You're looking less nuts, crabby."                                                                           
%
Leela: "It's amazing that your people can fall in love so fast."                                                                  
Zoidberg: "Love? That word is unknown here. I'm simply looking for a female
          swollen with eggs to accept my genetic material."     
Fry: "You and me both, brother."                                                                                                  
%
Fry: "Make up some feelings and tell her you have them. Yes?"                                                                     
Zoidberg: "Is the desire to mate a feeling?"                                                                                      
%
Edna: "Excuse me, I've got to powder my mouth flaps."                                                                             
%
Edna: "Teach me to love you, squishy poet from beyond the stars."                                                                 
Fry: "I'm flattered, really. If I was gonna do it with a big freaky mud bug,
     you'd be way up the list."
%
Bender: Fry, of all the friends I've had, you're the first.
%
Bender: I believe that qualifies as ill. At least from a technical 
        standpoint.
%
(talking to the Beastie Boys)                     
Fry: Wow. I love you guys. Back in the 20th century, I had all five of
     your albums.
Ad-Rock: That was a thousand years ago. Now we got seven.                                                                       
Fry: Cool. Can I borrow the new ones. And a couple of blank tapes?
%
Bender: Hey! What kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one
        hooker.
%
Leela: Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are                                                           
       you jacking on in there?
%
Leela: Who would have thought Hell would actually exist? And that it                                                            
       would be in New Jersey.
%
Professor Nerdstrom: Sit. I said sit! Bad fish!
%
Bender: OK, but I don't want anyone thinking we're robosexuals.
%
Bender: Oh no! Not the magnet!
%
Fry: What's with the eye?
%
Farnsworth: Oh my God!! 
Fry: What is it? 
Farnsworth: It's..It's...It's my new pager!
%
Leela: Now strip naked and get on the probulator.
%
Bender: Bite my shiny, metal ass!
%
Bender: Well I don't have anything else planned for today, let's get drunk!
%
Leela: Hold Still, I don't have good depth perception!
%
Farnsworth: Oh no! I should do something....but i am already in my pajamas.
%
Bender: He's gay. 
Leela: How do you know? 
Bender: I have this thing called gaydar.
%
Bender: Yeah, well I'm gonna build my own lunar space lander! 
        With blackjack aaaaannd Hookers! Actually, forget the space 
        lander, and the blackjack. Ahhhh forget the whole thing!
%
Bender: A woman like that you gotta romance first!
%
Cops: I'm going to get 24th Century on his ass!
%
Human female:   "Next, New New York in crisis. Morbo?" 
Morbo:          "Thanks, human female. Puny Earthlings were shocked today 
                 to learn that a ball of carbage will destroy their pathetic
                 city of New New York."
Human female:   "Makes me glad that we live here in Los Angeles."
Morbo:          "Morbo agrees." 
%
Human female:   "All in all. This is one day that mitten the kitten will not 
                 soon forget."
Morbo:          "Kittens give Morbo gas. In later news the city of New New 
                 York is doomed. Blame rests with known human professor Hubert 
                 Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain." 
%
Human female:   "And so with two weeks left in the campaign, the question 
                 on everyones mind is, who will be the president of Earth? 
                 Jack Johnson or bitter rival John Jackson. 
                 Two terrific candidates, Morbo?" 
Morbo:          "All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo." 
Human female:   "In other local news, disaster struck on Saturn's moon of Titan 
                 today, where titanium mine collapsed, trapping one thousand 
                 robot workers. Unless something is done quickly the trapped 
                 robots will be dead within 300 years. Sir, what rescue 
                 operations are planned?" 
Mine spokesman: "The plan is basicly to pave over the area and get on with 
                 our lives." 
Morbo:          "The news of mine's closing sent titanium prices sky 
                 rocketing." 
%
Morbo:          "Morbo will now introduce tonights candidates. Puny human 
                 number one, puny human number two and Morbo's good friend 
                 Richard Nixon." 
Nixon:          "Hello Morbo. How's the family?" 
Morbo:          "Belligerent and numerous." 
Nixon:          "Good man, Nixon's pro-war and pro-family." 
%
Morbo:          "Morbo demands an answer to the following question. If you saw 
                 a delicious candy in the hands of a small child. Would you 
                 sieze and consume it?" 
John Jackson:   "Unthinkable."
Jack Johnson:   "I wouldn't think of it." 
Morbo:          "What about you Mr. Nixon? I remind you. You are under of a  
                 truth-o-scope."
Nixon:          "Question is vague. You don't say what kind of candy and 
                 whether anyone is watching. In anyway I certainly wouldn't
                 harm the child."
%
Human female:   "The sheer drama of this election has driven voter turnout to 
                 it's highest level in centuries, six percent." 
Morbo:          "Exit poll show evil underdog Richard Nixon trailing with 
                 estimated zero votes." 
Human female:   "The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening. And 
                 robot votes are now in. Nixon has won." 
Morbo:          "Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death 
                 come quickly to his enemies." 
%
Human female:   "The holiday season is time of celebration for most but it is 
                 also the time to remember the tragic suffering of the less 
                 fortunate." 
Morbo:          "Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering." 
Human female:   "Earlier today I visited the shelter for down-and-out robots. 
                 Homeless robots too poor to afford even the basic alcohol they 
                 need fuel their circuits. Is there anything sadder? 
                 Only drowning puppies and there have to be a lot of them."
